In my original introduction, I attempted to set the scene and introduce one of the main characters. I wanted the reader to know the date, time, and also where the main character, Jenny, worked. These facts that I listed in the introduction give the reader an idea of where the story is going.
It was a Tuesday morning at 8:15, and Jenny was walking to work. She works on the 11th floor of 1 World Trade at the Bank of America. Like every other morning before work, Jenny stopped at the same Starbucks on Broadway and ordered her usual coffee. She was friends with a woman who workled there, Sylvia, and started talking with her as her coffee was being made.
New introduction techniques:
1- Statistic
"The impact left a gaping, burning hole near the 80th floor of the 110-story skyscraper, instantly killing hundreds of people and trapping hundreds more in higher floors." 9/11 was a devistating day in history. The attacks killed thousands of innocent people. No one was expecting anything to happen, including a woman named Jenny who was on her way to work the morning of the attacks.
2- Before-and-after scenario
Jenny stopped at Starbucks on Broadway like every other weekday and ordered her usual coffee. It was a Tuesday morning around 8:15 and the day seemed like it was going to have its normal flow of events. Jenny had no idea what was going to happen later that day and how it was going to affect the lives of many people that she cared about.
3- Quotation
"Treasure every moment that you have." Jenny has this quote posted her door and sees it every time she leaves her apartment. It was a Tuesday morning on September 11th, and the days events unfolded this quote continued to pop back up in the back of her mind.
