Showing and Telling

Pure Narration:
The line kept getting shorter and shorter as people were going into the haunted house, and my heart began beating faster and faster.  You couldn't see into the house because a curtain was covering the entrance, but you could hear the screams, the vibrating floor, and the air cannons.  At that moment I could not believe that I was going back into this haunted house after the terrifying experience that I had two years before, but I thought that I wouldn’t be as scared because I was with my friends.  I also had a mindset going in that everything was fake and everyone was just an actor or actress, but once I entered the haunted house, this went away and all I could think about was getting through as fast as possible. 

The first thing I saw when I went in was flashing lights breaking through the thick, black darkness.  All of a sudden a man scared us from behind and made run forward into the next trap.  The floor started vibrating vigorously and I jumped about five feet in the air and screamed.  After sprinting through half of the house we got to a room with 8 white doors painted with red question marks.  All of the doors were locked and we thought that we had gone the wrong way.  After what seemed like 2 or 3 minutes, one of the doors started to slowly open.  The brave person in our group went towards it and swung it open.  A man with a really scary mask screamed and we started running down the hallway, not able to see anything through the darkness.  We got to a part of the haunted house that brought us outside, and everyone was able to catch up to each other and catch their breath.  After walking back into the house and thinking that it was over, I heard a loud chain saw turn on.  Everything after that was pandemonium.  Everyone was being shoved down the tight hallways and I was trying my best to stick with the group and not get left behind.  One of my friends lost her shoe, but it was timed perfectly because we were all stopped at that moment anyways, not wanting to turn down the next dark hallway and see what was awaiting us around the corner.  We finally worked our way to the end after about a minute, and I was so relieved to be out of there.  When we got out we were able to laugh about it, but I probably won't be going to a haunted house again any time soon!


Pure Scene:
"I can't believe I came here again!" I said to my friends.  "It was so scary last time.  I don't know if I can handle it."
"Don't worry about it!" one of my friends said trying to reassure me.  "You're here with your friends."
"Ok, only three people can go in at a time," the lady announced who was taking our tickets.
"Brandon and Kyra, you guys go in first since you aren't scared.  I'll go with Tanya and Sara next."
"Ok you can go in now," the worker told us.

"Guys, I don't like this..."
"Ahh!" we all screamed, running away from one of the actors.
"Go, go!  Just keep going!"
"They're not real, don't worry."
"Ahh! Get away from me!"

(basically a complete repeat of those last 5 lines with the addition of "Tanya!  Did you lose your shoe?!")

"Wow, I'm so glad that's over."
"Never doing that again!"
"I wonder if everyone outside could hear me screaming?"


Narration and Scene:
The line kept getting shorter and shorter as people were filing into the haunted house, and my heart kept beating faster and faster.
"I can't believe I came here again!" I said to one of my friends.  "It was so scary last time.  I don't know if I can handle it."
"Don't worry about it!" one of my friends said trying to reassure me.  "You're here with your friends."
I could hear the screams, the vibrating floor, and the air cannons going off inside, and I was hoping that it would go by really quickly.
The first thing I saw when I went in was flashing lights breaking through the thick, black darkness.  All of a sudden a man scared us from behind and made run forward into the next trap.  The floor started vibrating vigorously and I jumped about five feet in the air.  Everyone was screaming and running through the halls as fast as possible.  We walked into a room about half way through that had 8 white doors painted with red question marks.  All of the doors were locked and we thought that we had gone the wrong way.
"Are we in the wrong room?" one of my friends asked.
"Maybe we were supposed to follow the other arrow."
After what seemed like 2 or 3 minutes, one of the doors started to slowly open.  The brave person in our group went towards it and swung it open.  A man with a really scary mask screamed and we started running down the hallway, not able to see anything through the darkness.
We got to a part of the haunted house that brought us outside, and everyone was able to catch up to each other and catch their breath.  After walking back into the house and thinking that it was over, I heard a loud chain saw turn on.  Everything after that was pandemonium.  Everyone was being shoved down the tight hallways and I was trying my best to stick with the group and not get left behind.  Once we heard the chain saw noise going back in the other direction, we all slowed down and stopped.  Partly because no one wanted to turn down the next dark hallway and see what was awaiting us around the corner, but also because Tanya had to find her shoe and put it back on.  Luckily, we were close to the exit and were finally able to leave.
"I'm so glad that's over!"
"I'm never going back in there again."
"Do you think everyone waiting in line could hear me screaming?"
We were able to laugh about it afterwards, but I'm sure none of us will be going to a haunted house again any time soon!

Hi! My name is Sara and I'm taking College Composition this year!  I play 1st doubles on the Varsity Tennis Team and also play the violin, piano, and sing.  I am in the Select Women's Choir and Jazz Choir at school and also play the violin in the RPYO.  I want to continue playing both the violin and tennis in college.  I love math and science and hope to study optics in college!  My brother is 20 years old and wants to study animation at RIT after graduating from MCC.  The purpose of this writing blog is to share writing with others and hopefully get feedback that will help me improve.  I think that writing is a great way to express yourself and bring out your inner voice.  I love writing about topics that are interesting to me and easy to form an opinion about.  I'm looking forward to this class and hope that it will help me develop usefull skills for writing in college. :)